i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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