my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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