can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
