do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize