tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
