the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
