I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
