I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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