I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
