So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I died a long time ago.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize