I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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