so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
