My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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