I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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