Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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