I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
