Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
