So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
