She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is it penis luge time yet?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
