I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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