I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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