i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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