Im at strip club and am horny
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
