Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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