The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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