I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have already put on my inside pants.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
