Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
