pop tarts are not kleenex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
