In the future we'll all be gay
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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