the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
