What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
