Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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