Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
