im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
