she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
