At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
