Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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