I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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