the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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