Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
