1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
