My first STD was from a foam party
I looked at my own cervix.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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