If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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