Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize