i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
