i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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