is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
