Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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