Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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