Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize