All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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