Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
