There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
