Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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