I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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