bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
