I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
