All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
