my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
