i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
