i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
