Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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