There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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