Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
