i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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