Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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