did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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